Coaching to Redirect: Pin the Tail on the Donkey

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From NetSpeed Leader Volume 19, October 2004

Pin the Tail on the Donkey—it’s a common game at young children’s birthday parties. Many of us will remember being spun around blindfolded and then aimed toward (or left to wander aimlessly away from) the paper donkey image taped to the wall. Once all the tails were stuck somewhere on or near the donkey, we removed our blindfolds to see how we had done. The donkey usually had a tail attached above the nose, on the shoulder, and in other strange places, in addition to a few where the donkey would expect them.

If we imagine that game with a helpful person coaching each child, it’s a perfect metaphor for coaching to redirect.

When you coach to redirect, you coach to help others meet job expectations and goals. You don’t turn coaching into corrective action, a disciplinary step, or a blame game. You give supportive feedback to help people perform better.

Let’s look at the key elements of Coaching to Redirect through our party game metaphor.

Key Element 1—Give constructive feedback that can be heard and acted upon.

Constructive feedback is developmental, descriptive, and well-timed.

If you are an adult helping a child pin the tail on the donkey, you say and do things that will help the blindfolded child hit the target. On the job, you give constructive feedback to help the employee perform at a higher level.

Adjust to the person’s developmental level.

• At the party, if the child is a toddler who hasn’t played the game before, you will probably take her by the hand and lead her toward the target, all the time explaining in simple terms what is happening. If the child is a 6-year-old birthday party veteran, you may simply give a brief suggestion. It would be ludicrous to switch these two approaches with these children.
• On the job, it’s just as important to match developmental levels. A new employee will need to be told and shown what you expect. An experienced high performer may need only a brief suggestion for continued development. But remember: When an experienced high performer begins a new assignment, he or she may need additional support to learn the “new game.”
  

Give neutral, clear, specific feedback.

• During the party game, if a blindfolded child begins to move dangerously near the birthday cake, it isn’t useful to say, “You’re going to wreck the cake! Watch out!” Instead, you might say, “Careful! You are heading straight for the cake."
• On the job, it’s the same. Rather than making inflammatory vague comments about being off the mark (“You’re going to wreck the project!”), describe the situation neutrally, specifically, and clearly.

Choose the time well.

• At the birthday party, it would be unthinkable to wait to give feedback until a child’s eye had connected with a doorknob. Rather than court disaster, you give feedback as soon as it becomes apparent that it is needed. In this situation, as soon as you saw a child heading off in the wrong direction, you would intervene.
  
• On the job, it’s the same situation. It’s essential to give immediate feedback. But at work you have the added responsibility of giving feedback at a time when the employee can hear it—not while walking in the corridor, for example, or eating in the lunch room.

Align your feedback with the way the person processes information.

• At the party, you would not ask a young child to turn to the left or the right, north or south. Typically, young ones can’t process information that way. Instead, you would say, “Turn toward my voice” or “Try the other way.” Otherwise, your guidance is useless.
  
• On the job, you also need to do what works for each employee. How does the employee prefer to take in information? Face to face in an on-the-spot discussion? In a meeting after taking time to review their performance alone? Or after reading and considering your observations?

Key Element 2: Take ownership of your observations to reduce defensiveness.

Taking ownership of your observations means putting yourself in the picture in a helpful way.

Give feedback in the first person.

• You might tell a blindfolded 5-year-old, “I’m worried that you’re going to step on the little ones. How about letting them go first?” That first-person (I statement) approach is far more constructive than “You’re going to step on the little ones!” or “Everyone thinks you’re going to step on the little ones,” both of which would quash the child’s enjoyment of the game.
• On the job, first-person feedback is essential. “When I observed your interaction with the customer, I noticed some phrases you used that may have confused her.” That approach is much more effective than “You confused that customer” or “Several employees have told me that you are confusing the customers,” both of which could reduce confidence and increase defensiveness.

Consider the differences between your style and the other person’s style.

• You would be totally out of line to expect the child to play the game exactly the way you would play it.The same is true on the job. Although it’s important to agree on expectations and goals, style differences must be respected. If the employee likes to work independently and you like to check in several times a day, take ownership of your style differences. Don’t expect the employee to be you.

Key Element 3: Recognize and appreciate performance improvement.

In life and work, it’s important to be recognized and appreciated.

• At the birthday party, of course, you will applaud even the smallest success. You will praise the toddler who successfully endures wearing a blindfold, and the preschooler who pins the tail anywhere near the donkey. You congratulate everyone who tries. Focusing on small successes, you help everyone look forward to the next game. After all, the party is meant to be a positive experience.
• Work should also be a positive experience. Be sure to take time to recognize improvement and success, along with everyday kindnesses and acts of brilliance. When you recognize successes, you help employees anticipate the next task, performance goal, or challenge.

Personal Application: Coaching to Redirect

Take a moment to think about the party-game metaphor and what it says to you. Ask yourself these questions about coaching to redirect:

1. Am I giving the right type of coaching for the developmental level of the employee?
2. Is my feedback specific and neutral?
3. Am I giving timely feedback, or am I waiting too long to coach?
4. Does my feedback match the way the person processes information?
5. Do I own my observations, giving first-person (I-statement) feedback?
6. Do I respect differences in work styles?
7. Do I regularly recognize and appreciate employees? Whom can I appreciate today?

The next time you are preparing to coach someone, remember pin the tail on the donkey. Try applying the metaphor in your situation, thinking about ways to create a positive coaching situation. Then, relax. You may actually enjoy the party.

Note: This article is based in part on the NetSpeed Leadership module Coaching to Redirect. The module also features experiential exercises, discussion, self-assessments, and practice following a six-step coaching model.

Contact us for more information about Coaching to Redirect at your company.