Here's the deal: If I'm 100% responsible for my own experience, then what does it say about me that I can be enraged by poor service? I'm still working with The Diamond Cutter, a fabulous book by a Tibetan Buddhist who points out that we are always creating imprints of experiences. If any experience or cycle repeats itself over and over again in my day-to-day experience, then it's time to look at the imprints I am creating unintentionally.

Taking that further, if I want to experience astounding, awe-inspiring customer service, who must I be in the world to have this experience? The underlying spiritual principle is that I must become the kind of person who notices every inspired, positive action taken by another on my behalf. And not only must I notice those actions, but I must genuinely thank people when they extend themselves to help me. What a spiritual practice that is!

In the past ten days, I've let this awareness of appreciation reach out to service providers, vendors, store owners and strangers. And it really has been transformative. I'm less stressed out and happier. And people are going the extra mile for me every day.

Case in point: Since we're moving into a new home with hardwood floors, I needed to purchase several carpets. After spending an hour choosing just the right carpet for my living room, ordering it, and paying for it, I was sorry to hear the next day that the carpet had been discontinued by the manufacturer. Instead of getting annoyed by that, I simply and calmly expressed how much I loved that carpet. The service provider offered to call the manufacturer's rep and see what he could do. Within minutes, the manufacturer's rep called back and told us that he had located the carpet in exactly the right size and would be driving it back from Portland to Seattle. I would have it in my hands by the next day! (I think Pitcher Brothers Carpets in Seattle is a sterling example of quality customer service, by the way.)

You see how this works with customer service providers. Are you ready to transform your relationship to your co-workers and employees? If you manage or lead others, take the same principles and apply them to your leadership style. Who must you be to have employees and co-workers who go the extra mile for you? Who must you be if you want to be surrounded by loyal, committed employees? Begin the practice of noticing and appreciating every positive action taken by the people on your team. Sincerely recognize them for their contributions. Genuinely thank them. Create the experience that you seek to have: employees who care, take initiative, and go beyond the call of duty.

This imprint will transform not only your own experience, but the experience of your entire team, and the effectiveness of your organization. My new motto is “Leadership: It's an inside job.”